


Dear J.K.

by FroggyPhevoli



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, POV First Person, Werewolf McWerewolf II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-20 09:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3644529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FroggyPhevoli/pseuds/FroggyPhevoli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin becomes self-aware, writing letters to his creator in order to cope and make sense of it all.</p>
<p>(Inspired by the infamous <a href="http://heartslow.tumblr.com/post/58997621769/remus-lupins-father-was-named-lyall-lupin-lyall">"Werewolf McWerewolf II" Tumblr post</a>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August 1, 1978

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a present for my friend, Jess. We were making fun of the fact that practically everything about Remus's background has something to do with wolves, and I said that after a certain point, if I were him, I probably would have just realized that I was obviously a book character. Jess thought that was hilarious and begged me to write a fic for it.

Dear God,

I'm a fucking book character, aren't I?

I realize how completely insane it sounds. Hell, just the fact that I'm writing you a letter is completely insane. I'm not even a praying type of bloke, let alone one who goes around writing letters to God. But if my theory is right— and as of today I really, truly think it is— then not only will you be listening to this, but you'll technically be the one making me write this. So much for free will.

Before I get into what happened today, let me just jot down some reminders of other things I've noticed over the years:

• My first name is Remus. In Roman mythology, Remus was a bloke raised by wolves.  
• My last name is Lupin. In Latin, "Lupinus" means "wolf-like," and "lupine" means "to resemble a wolf."  
• My father's first name is Lyall. Lyall is a Scottish name derived from an Old Norse name that means— you guessed it— "wolf."  
• My mother's maiden name is Howell. Like, seriously, you've got to be kidding me with this one. HOWELL. _HOWL_.

So. Moving on.

As I'm sure you already know, seeing as you're God and all, I've been practicing my Patronus Charm for over a month now. Standard protocol for Order of the Phoenix members. I've been steadily getting better and better at it, but today was the first time I managed to cast a corporeal Patronus. This was the last straw.

Take a guess what my Patronus form is. Take a wild guess.

No wait, that's right, you don't have to guess. BECAUSE I'M NOTHING BUT A PLAYTHING YOU INVENTED.

There's no other logical explanation. I was willing to shrug off the name stuff as coincidence, but now this? I'm on to you, God. You're not some all-powerful deity. You're just some human sitting at your desk, pounding away at your typewriter, probably isolating yourself from the world as you sip tea and read Merlin or whatever it is authors do. All that pain you put my family and I through, this war... It's only happening because you think it'll make for a good story. I'm not real. Everybody I have ever met and cared about is not real. It's hard to believe, and I don't want to believe it, but what other reason could there possibly be for my ENTIRE EXISTENCE revolving around one singular aspect of myself?

I assume you're writing a werewolf story. Can't think why else you would fixate so hard on wolves here. Is my affliction going to play some sort of role in this war? Am I going to end up on a quest to find a cure? Where the hell is this story going? Why me?

Please, God, send me a sign. I need something to assure me that I'm not insane. How can I be useful to the Order if I'm not even certain that the world is real?

Literally yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


	2. September 1, 1978

Dear God,

It's been exactly one month since my last letter. (But of course you already knew that.)

I've been feeling down lately. Training is going well, but since I'm so young and a relatively new recruit, the Order doesn't let me do much actual fighting. The fact that I become useless once a month probably doesn't help either, though luckily Lily has been kind enough to keep brewing Wolfsbane for me.

It's the job search that's getting to me the most though. I mean, I can't say I'm surprised. Of course nobody in their right mind is going to hire a bloody werewolf. It was dumb of me to think that just because Hogwarts and the Order accepted me, the rest of the world would follow. I need to find a way to support myself somehow. I can't keep mooching off of Prongs forever. I mean, the Potters are absurdly rich so I actually probably can, but I feel really guilty about it.

I have to say, it's bizarre to not be on the Hogwarts Express right now. Padfoot, Prongs, Lily, and Wormtail have all said the same. I guess we really are adults. Graduated from school and fighting a war. Hard to believe.

But then again, makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Because if I am in fact a book character and this is all a story, of course time is going to go by fast. Stories are never as long as the time frame in which they take place.

Speaking of which, I'm still waiting for my sign. I know you know that I'm writing this, and I know you have the ability to send me a sign, so I really wish you'd hurry up and do it. This must be a lull in the action. My life is so repetitive right now, I can't imagine these bits making it into your book. Maybe I just have to wait for the story to get exciting again. Problem is, we are in the middle of a war and all, so I'm deathly afraid of what exactly "exciting" could entail.

Okay, I guess I'll let you get back to your godly, authorly business now. Please respond when you can.

Yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Wolfsbane Potion is a relatively new invention during the Harry Potter books, but we don't know exactly how new. I want this fic to be canon compliant (besides Remus being self-aware), but it is possible that I put Wolfsbane in sooner than it should be there.


	3. October 31, 1978

Dear J.K.,

Thank you for finally reaching out to me! I felt a bit silly using the Ouija Board, especially on Halloween, but apparently that was exactly what I needed in order to communicate with you.

I'd like to formally apologize for all of the things I said while using the Board, by the way. I do wish you had answered more of my questions, but I understand that you work in mysterious ways and all, and either way it was rude of me to resort to name-calling and swearing. You have my word that it won't happen again.

Again, thank you for reaching out and confirming your presence. And thank you for at least granting me your initials. I hope you don't mind that I used them to address you in this letter. I'll pull out the Board again in a moment and you can let me know if you'd prefer me to keep calling you God, okay?

I'd better go. Prongs and Lily are throwing a Halloween party tonight that I would not miss for the world. I guess I should thank you for that too.

Gratefully yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


	4. February 18, 1979

Dear J.K.,

Sorry to bother you, but I'm terribly bored. I've been trying really hard to leave you alone since I can tell you don't want to give away any of my story. Not that I've had time anyway, I suppose. When every day is a life or death scenario for you and everyone you care about, it's difficult to justify sneaking off to go play with a Ouija Board, even if you are talking to God.

That's another reason I've been trying to resist communicating with you. I still firmly believe that we are all book characters and that the entire universe is just part of your story, but it's hard to find the motivation to fight Death Eaters with that sort of mindset. The thing is, no matter how much I remind myself that none of it is real... It's all I have. It's real to me because it's all I've ever known. I can't just turn off my love for my friends and family when they're so vibrant and three-dimensional and _alive_. I guess you must be a really good writer to create such lifelike characters. Or is that all part of the illusion? How would I know what lifelike even is?

Eurgh... This is hurting my head. Maybe I should stop before I have an existential crisis. But then again, I've got nothing else to do while I'm stuck in bed all day, so why not occupy myself with a good ol' existential crisis?

I'm so embarrassed. I've dueled with some of You-Know-Who's best and walked away with barely a scratch, yet here I am forced to take a sick day thanks to a damned doxy bite. Padfoot and the Prewett brothers are out on a mission right now. I should be with them, but instead I'm lying here like an idiot, drinking antidote and being useless. I'm guessing this part won't make it into your book. Or at least I hope it doesn't.

Sometimes I wonder why you (or anyone for that matter) would bother writing about me when I'm surrounded by people who are so much more talented and interesting than me. If I were writing a book about this war and I had to choose my main character, I would choose Padfoot or Prongs, or maybe Dumbledore or Moody... Not me. Definitely not me. But then I remember that your book is more than likely a werewolf story, and I suppose I'm the only one here who fits the criteria for that.

I think about Fenrir Greyback a lot. Considering that this is a werewolf story and all, I've been expecting him to play the role of my arch enemy, but I haven't seen or heard from him since the day he bit me. Are you building up to it? Is there going to be a connection between him and You-Know-Who? I'm still having trouble understanding how my backstory is relevant at all to this stupid war.

Well, it's time for my next dose of antidote, so I guess I'll let you go. Sorry again for bothering you.

Yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


	5. December 24, 1979

Dear J.K.,

Hello. Long time no talk/write/whatever. I hope you're having a good holiday.

You know how children write letters to Father Christmas? I realize I'm too old for that, but it did occur to me that I could do the same with you. And unlike Father Christmas, you have the power to actually grant me the things that I want.

I almost feel a little guilty... All those kids asking for toys or broomsticks or whatever from a wizard who's been dead for thousands of years, while meanwhile I have access to God. But I don't feel guilty enough to not do it, so, without further ado, here is my Christmas list:

• Stop letting Death Eaters kill my friends.  
• End this war before Little Potter is born, so he or she never has to endure what we have.  
• Just give Little Potter (and Prongs and Lily, of course) a happy, healthy life in general.  
• And Padfoot too. And Wormtail. Happy, healthy lives for all my best mates.  
• For myself, I'll settle for healthy. I'll find a way to be happy if the ones I care about are happy.  
• On a related note, how about a cure? A _real_ cure, not a plaster like the Wolfsbane Potion.  
• Kill You-Know-Who. I never thought I would wish death on another person, but... he is not human. Kill him. End this.  
• I could use some new robes.

I truly don't think I'm asking for anything unreasonable here. Besides, don't people like stories to have happy endings? I'm just trying to help you write your book. You should listen to me, seeing as I'm experiencing it firsthand and all.

Happy Christmas, my dear J.K. Thank you for the victories you've allowed us so far.

Festively yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


	6. April 7, 1980

Dear J.K.,

How dare you?

Dumbledore's just brought us the news. A prophecy. The one with the power to defeat You-Know-Who for good. To be born sometime toward the end of July.

Both the Potters and the Longbottoms are due sometime late July.

How bloody fucking dare you?

What, this war wasn't exciting enough for you? You really needed to put some unborn children, a couple of my closest friends, and two of the world's finest Aurors into extra danger? Is this a fun plot twist for you? Are you taking pleasure in putting your readers on the edge of their seats with the threat of slaughtering babies?

You fucking sicken me.

What does any of this even have to do with your story? How does this stupid prophecy tie into your weird werewolf obsession you've got going on? Is either Little Potter or Little Longbottom going to be the one to unlock the cure? Will I help them destroy You-Know-Who, and be cured as a reward? Or the opposite: Will my condition somehow be used as a weapon?

You know what? Fuck it. I don't even care. I'm not going to waste time with speculation. I'm sure your marvelous grand design will reveal itself at some point. My only concern right now is to do everything in my power to protect those children, especially Little Potter. Whatever you're planning to do to them, I will not allow it. I don't know whether it's even possible for a character to rebel against their author, but I am sure as hell going to try. If you want a lay a finger on a single hair on their heads, you and your quill are going to have to go through me.

...

That was a close one. Padfoot almost caught me writing to you. But of course you already know that.

You also know that he's made the same promise, with the same amount of determination. And I'm certain Wormtail will as well, once I get around to talking to him about this. Being a Marauder means so much more to us than just being reckless teenagers pulling pranks and causing mayhem. It means we're family. I'll die before I let you harm a single one of them, and I know they'd all die before letting you harm me.

This is just... I don't even have the words. You've gone too far with this.

I'm just going to cut this off now before it turns into more angry ranting. And before another one of my friends walks in on me crying.

No longer yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may or may not be canon-compliant, as we have no idea when the Prophecy was made besides that it was sometime in the first half of 1980. I chose April because it was raining that night, and y'know, April showers and all that. (Although I realize in the UK it rains like all the time.) I chose the 7th because the idea of the Prophecy being created on the day of the most magically powerful number amused me.


	7. July 31, 1980

Dear J.K.,

I met him today. They named him Harry.

He's beautiful. Absolutely perfect. Looks just like all the baby pictures I've seen of Prongs. He wrapped his tiny hand around my finger when I held him. I cried twice.

Please. Please, God, I'm begging you. I'm sorry for losing my temper with you in my last letter. Just please, for the love of everything, please do not let anything happen to this little boy. I couldn't bear it. Please. Torture me all you like, but spare Harry. Spare Prongs and Lily. Please.

We all love our newest Marauder so much already. Have mercy. Write a happy story.

Humbly yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


	8. November 6, 1980

Dear J.K.,

Bloody hell. I am such an idiot. I am such an arrogant, conceited idiot. I can't believe it took me until today to realize.

I'm _not_ the main character of your story, am I?

Prongs and Lily are.

As you already know, last night was a close call. The Potters have been in hiding for about four months, and Prongs damn near blew it yesterday by putting on a little fireworks show for Harry in honor of Bonfire Night. I mean, I understand wanting to bring some joy to his son's life amidst all the confusion and fear, but he could've cost them all their lives. Lily was absolutely furious, and rightly so. We all were. Bloody typical Prongs.

But anyway, that's when it hit me. Once they were moved somewhere safer and we were all assured that they were in the clear again, I just sorta sat lost in thought for a really long time, and it dawned on me that this is all about them. Everything that's happening right now is a story about Prongs and Lily trying to hide from a dark wizard and his minions, save the world, and protect their infant son. Hell, I even said it in a previous letter, didn't I? Didn't I say that Prongs would make such a better protagonist than me? The prophecy might be about Harry because it makes their fight against You-Know-Who personal, as opposed to them being just random Order members. It all goes back to the Potters. It's them. They are your story. Not me.

I feel so stupid for taking so long to figure this out. All this time it's been so obvious and right in front of me, but I was too self-absorbed and limited by my narrow point of view to consider it. Of course you're not writing a werewolf story! You based my entire existence around a singular idea because I'm a background character! I'm not important, so you couldn't be bothered to give me any more depth! I bet the only reason I exist was so you could give Prongs the motivation to become an unregistered Animagus. _That's_ what matters, not my lycanthropy.

Everything makes so much more sense now: The war, the prophecy, the fact that I have not been reunited with Fenrir Greyback, the way you barely interact with me no matter how hard I beg... My role is over. I already fulfilled it years ago. You may even kill me off soon. To you, these letters probably feel like a house fly is trying to get your attention.

This is even worse than the epiphany that my world is not real. Not me not being the main character— I'm not _that_ conceited— but me being pointless. It's difficult enough coping with the idea that my reality is an illusion, but to know that I have no further part to play in the grand scheme of said illusion? I have never felt so useless in my entire life.

Well, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for a happy ending regardless. Perhaps even more so. If anyone can survive this though, it's definitely James and Lily Potter.

Barely yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin

or Werewolf McWerewolf II, as you probably think of me


	9. July 31, 1981

Dear J.K.,

I can't believe Harry is one today! Unfortunately Padfoot and I have Order work, so we'll be missing out on the festivities.

Speaking of Order work, I know Prongs wants back in the game. Personally I agree with Dumbledore that it's better he and Lily be banned from missions for a while— there have been too many close calls with them trying to fight and be in hiding at the same time. At least they get to stay at home while they hide. I'm sure the stability is better for Harry, even if it's not for Prongs.

I can't imagine his frustration, especially now that I know he and Lily are more than likely your main characters. Nothing is more stifling to a main character than not being allowed to go on their quest or adventure or whatever. At this point, however, I don't care. I mean, I'm sorry that Prongs is feeling restless, but I don't care that your book is at the boring part as long as it means my friends are safe. I hope it stays at the boring part forever.

Well, I guess I'd better get back to work. Not gonna lie, it's hard to concentrate knowing that I'm missing Harry's first birthday. Padfoot agrees.

Yours,  
Remus "Moony" Lupin


End file.
